Strength Enough to Know Enough

Last night I got off work and drove 30 minutes back to my old job. Because I still work there. Because I love the dogs and I care about my students. So I changed back into my uniform and taught my two classes last night. Doesn't seem too bad, and thinking about it beforehand I was a little nervous about my new job but figured it would be no big deal to work both while I completed my ongoing classes.

When I got there, my manager gave me a really hard time because I was scheduled at 4pm and didn't show up until 6pm. When I put in my notice last Monday I let them know I would be starting my new job next week and will be working in Dallas until 5, I took care of any students the change would affect and let my managers know. Then I came in last Thursday on my day off when I knew they were making the schedule and took a peek. 4pm Monday. So I went to a manager, schedule in hand and let them know, "Hey, I can't be here until 6pm on Monday, I start my new job. In Dallas. Until 5pm."

"Oh ok, that's fine, we will change it."

Friday I called in, they were very upset, but I only had two students and I needed the day off.

Saturday I get to work and all of my belongings are in a box under register 4. The other two dog trainers are there ready to teach my very confused students. I walk in the door and shoo them away. I explain to my students that I got a job offer and would be leaving, but I will finish out their classes. They are happy for me, sad that I will be leaving. I care about my students.

When dogs 'graduate' from a class I take a picture of the dog and put it up on my wall. Just like every other pet trainer in the company except one of the trainers. She has only been with the company for 6-7 months and likes to think that she has a new/better way to do everything. From the hand signals to the way we organize our binders. Which is great, I love new and fresh ideas. But all of that stuff is corporate policy. We have to do it that way. Or we get in trouble. So she doesn't take pictures of any of her students. She was born up north and has a weird twang accent and I have had students and customers tell me that she is rude. I think I'll call her Trainer 1.

Whatever.

But Saturday morning before I get to work they take all the pictures down and stick them in the box of stuff. Trainer 1 sees me walk in and gives me a look that could kill. As I pass her she rolls her eyes. So not only do I have to explain to my students why Trainer 1 was there to teach their class out of uniform but why my pictures are all gone and I don't have cards anymore and that I'm leaving the company.

So I teach my class. At 11am we have a brand new class starting that I am not teaching. New Girl is teaching this one. It will be her very first class ever. She was very excited about it when I spoke with her on Monday. 11:05am, no New Girl. So I teach that class. Have to explain why New Girl isn't there. I have no clue.

"She must be running a bit late today..."

"Why aren't you teaching the class from now on? We know you."

"Well, I'm leaving the company, I was offered a postition that will help me finish school faster."

"But we like you."

That class overwith I teach my next class, it's an Intermediate class which means that these students have been through classes with me before. They are all very sad to hear that I will be leaving and very concerned that the pictures that I took of their dogs are missing. Explain, apologize, tell them that New Girl will be excellent.

Hopefully.

Lunch. One more class taught, explain, hugs. I get called into the office by a manager. They sit me down and explain that calling in on Friday made it very difficult for them. You see in addition to my two students that they were able to call and cancel for me, an 8pm class showed up. There was supposed to be a new class start the week before but no one signed up for it and nobody showed up for it so I assumed that no one would be there. Four dogs showed up. How am I supposed to anticipate students I have never met or spoken to showing up to a class that doesn't exsist? "Well it was your class, where was the paperwork for it?" There was no paperwork. The class didn't exsist until last night, I've never even met those dogs or people before. "You should have told us about the 8pm class."

I wanted to rip my own hair out. Right after I punched someone in the face. "Ok, next time I will do better." So I signed the formal action plan and was informed that if I screwed up again I would be terminated. Great. Thanks.

"Oh by the way, remember that we spoke Monday, Tuesday and Thursday, I start my new job on Monday and won't be in until 6pm, the schedule still says 4pm but I won't be able to come in until 6."

"Yes we know, thank you."

I went fishing with Frank Saturday, we didn't catch anything, but got muddy and laughed and had fun trying. Sunday = laundry day, so I went to Momma's and did a few loads. She has a gym at her apartment so I rode the bicycle machine for 30 minutes while I was waiting for a load to dry. 6.15 miles, not bad! Then I went home and we went over to my Aunt's to show off the new car, and then to my cousin's to say hi and show off the new car. We stayed way to late, didn't leave until 10:30pm, stopped at What-a-Burger for dinner and then went to bed. Work was great. Then I got off work and drove 30 minutes to my old job.

Last night when I got home from what I now lovingly refer to as PetHell I was tired of being yelled at and cranky and really feeling like Baby from Dirty Dancing...

"We're supposed to do the show in two days, you won't show me the lifts, I'm not sure of the turns, I'm doing all this to save your ass, what I really want to do is drop you on it!"

But I love the dogs. I care about my students. The right thing to do is to keep going until all my classes have graduated. My managers all think that I'm going to just drop off the face of the planet, leave without telling them and they will have to pick up the pieces. I would really like to. It's very tempting, especially when they are treating me as though that is what I will do. But at the same time, that is not my intention, my intention is finish out my classes. Prove them wrong.

Frank says that being at PetHell is bad for my serenity. That I have trouble accepting the things I cannot change about the job, that in order to be strong enough to change the things I can, I went out and found a new job that I really enjoy. Now if I just had the wisdom to know when to let go; if I should let go before I told them I was leaving or if I will be strong enough to work both jobs until my students graduate.


"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go."

Hermann Hesse